In The News – Part 1
REALITY BITES
December 15, 2009
LOS ANGELES - A year ago, with popular reality shows such as American Idol, The Bachelor and America’s Next Top Model all beginning to fall in ratings due to the rapidly declining influence of the sadist and masochist inside most of us, various networks tried outdoing each other in coming up with new and exciting concepts that went beyond the standard fare of conventional reality television.
After initially failing with attempts such as “Pimp My Granddaughter” [hosted by Ja Rule], “Who Wants to Be a High End Escort?” [hosted by Paris Hilton] and “Convict or Acquit?!” [with Judge O.J. Simpson]; Wally Sczerbiak [pronounced Wally S.], a creative producer at NBC, came up with a groundbreaking idea that changed the face of television as we know it today.
Says Wally, “I was watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua at the cinema and I was overawed at how supremely intelligent it was. After I got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the high end concept presented by this transcendent piece of art. I was cuddling my dog Sally, and that is when it hit me. I thought, ‘Hey! Why not replace humans with dogs in exactly the same shows with the same formats?!! I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch that??’ Right then and there, I knew it was going to work....I just had no idea it would work this well.”
Don’t let Wally’s modesty fool you. Today, hailed as the reincarnation of Albert Einstein, he is basking in the glory of the hugely successful collection of reality shows he has created. American Idol – Dogs, The Bachelor – Canines and America’s Next Top Model – Bitches, are the biggest commercial hits on television today. Not surprisingly, these shows have garnered critical acclaim as well.
Writes top critic Jean Le Moose in the New York Times, “When I first read that Mr. Sczerbiak is substituting humans with dogs on some of the most successful reality shows ever created, I was slightly skeptical. My first thought was, ‘What is he going to call these shows? Is he just going to add “Dogs” at the end of the original titles?’ When the promos for this much anticipated trilogy began to air, I noticed that each of these shows were titled differently. And right then I realized that Mr. Sczerbiak is, pardon my French, a fucking cunt of a genius".
December 15, 2009
LOS ANGELES - A year ago, with popular reality shows such as American Idol, The Bachelor and America’s Next Top Model all beginning to fall in ratings due to the rapidly declining influence of the sadist and masochist inside most of us, various networks tried outdoing each other in coming up with new and exciting concepts that went beyond the standard fare of conventional reality television.
After initially failing with attempts such as “Pimp My Granddaughter” [hosted by Ja Rule], “Who Wants to Be a High End Escort?” [hosted by Paris Hilton] and “Convict or Acquit?!” [with Judge O.J. Simpson]; Wally Sczerbiak [pronounced Wally S.], a creative producer at NBC, came up with a groundbreaking idea that changed the face of television as we know it today.
Says Wally, “I was watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua at the cinema and I was overawed at how supremely intelligent it was. After I got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the high end concept presented by this transcendent piece of art. I was cuddling my dog Sally, and that is when it hit me. I thought, ‘Hey! Why not replace humans with dogs in exactly the same shows with the same formats?!! I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch that??’ Right then and there, I knew it was going to work....I just had no idea it would work this well.”
Don’t let Wally’s modesty fool you. Today, hailed as the reincarnation of Albert Einstein, he is basking in the glory of the hugely successful collection of reality shows he has created. American Idol – Dogs, The Bachelor – Canines and America’s Next Top Model – Bitches, are the biggest commercial hits on television today. Not surprisingly, these shows have garnered critical acclaim as well.
Writes top critic Jean Le Moose in the New York Times, “When I first read that Mr. Sczerbiak is substituting humans with dogs on some of the most successful reality shows ever created, I was slightly skeptical. My first thought was, ‘What is he going to call these shows? Is he just going to add “Dogs” at the end of the original titles?’ When the promos for this much anticipated trilogy began to air, I noticed that each of these shows were titled differently. And right then I realized that Mr. Sczerbiak is, pardon my French, a fucking cunt of a genius".
Le Moose continues, "I mean to come up with dogs, canines and bitches? How could anyone be that creative? And to stick with human judges and a human bachelor among these furry little dogs was another masterstroke. These shows are the most exciting examples of avant garde entertainment since According To Jim premiered nine years ago. I’ve never missed a single episode of any of these series, and I never plan to. Highly recommended by yours truly.”
However, it was not all rosy for NBC and Wally. When the promos for “Bachelor – Canines” first aired, PETA activists objected to suspended NFL quarterback Michael Vick being the bachelor in question due to his history of financing and participating in dog fighting activities. Charged by federal authorities in 2007, Vick’s initial defense of his actions was “Come on man. We dawgs fight all the time, know what I’m sayin’. So why can’t dogs fight, know what I’m sayin’? I mean we ain’t eatin’ these dogs or nothin’, know what I’m sayin’?”
The judge did not know what he was saying.
Michael Vick eventually pleaded guilty and ended up doing time in a federal prison where guard dogs often bullied him. After being released in late 2008, Vick in a tearful interview on ESPN said he regretted his actions and would do absolutely anything to mend his reputation in the dog community. Wally happened to be watching this and immediately jumped on the opportunity to get Vick on his show.
After initially ignoring PETA, much like the rest of the world does, Wally Sczerbiak finally responded to their protests a month before the premier by telling them that Vick is a changed man and he wouldn’t be doing the show if he didn’t really love dogs. He pleaded with them to let the first episode air and then make their judgments. PETA head Justin Case reluctantly agreed. And then on January 26th, the premiere of Bachelor – Canines, with the tagline “15 Bitches Vying For the Love of One Dawg” finally aired.
At the end of the episode; Michael Vick, instead of roses, threw bones at each of the selected contestants and they caught it with their mouths. Every single person watching this let out an “awww”, making it the largest collective “awww” in America since Tom Cruise had Renee Zellweger at hello. Pebbles the pink poodle was the first one selected and incidentally, she was also the first one to make out with Vick. It was a historic moment in television. Their passionate, tongue swirling kiss later won the “MTV Best Onscreen Kiss Award”.
Immediately after the episode came to an end, Justin Case called Wally Sczerbiak and told him he absolutely loved the show. He told Wally that this was what being in love with animals really meant. Wally thanked him and the show went on to be a huge hit. The finale, where Vick proposes to Schweinsteiger the voluptuous German shepherd, went on to get the highest ratings in the history of American Television. Pebbles the pink poodle, however, was left heartbroken.
Not one to give up on her dream of being a reality star, Pebbles then took part in “America’s Next top Model – Bitches”, and won the top prize. Tyra Banks, after announcing Pebbles as the winner, said “You should be proud of yourself Pebbly Poo. You gave us fierce pictures and your runway walk was one of the best I’ve ever seen. Your ease at the nude photo shoot and the ability to smile with your eyes was also instrumental in your victory. Bitches all over the world should learn from you. You go girl!!” Pebbles is now one of the most recognizable faces in America, and she recently appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show to talk about how she lost the extra pounds as well as to discuss her relationship with Michael Vick.
However, it was not all rosy for NBC and Wally. When the promos for “Bachelor – Canines” first aired, PETA activists objected to suspended NFL quarterback Michael Vick being the bachelor in question due to his history of financing and participating in dog fighting activities. Charged by federal authorities in 2007, Vick’s initial defense of his actions was “Come on man. We dawgs fight all the time, know what I’m sayin’. So why can’t dogs fight, know what I’m sayin’? I mean we ain’t eatin’ these dogs or nothin’, know what I’m sayin’?”
The judge did not know what he was saying.
Michael Vick eventually pleaded guilty and ended up doing time in a federal prison where guard dogs often bullied him. After being released in late 2008, Vick in a tearful interview on ESPN said he regretted his actions and would do absolutely anything to mend his reputation in the dog community. Wally happened to be watching this and immediately jumped on the opportunity to get Vick on his show.
After initially ignoring PETA, much like the rest of the world does, Wally Sczerbiak finally responded to their protests a month before the premier by telling them that Vick is a changed man and he wouldn’t be doing the show if he didn’t really love dogs. He pleaded with them to let the first episode air and then make their judgments. PETA head Justin Case reluctantly agreed. And then on January 26th, the premiere of Bachelor – Canines, with the tagline “15 Bitches Vying For the Love of One Dawg” finally aired.
At the end of the episode; Michael Vick, instead of roses, threw bones at each of the selected contestants and they caught it with their mouths. Every single person watching this let out an “awww”, making it the largest collective “awww” in America since Tom Cruise had Renee Zellweger at hello. Pebbles the pink poodle was the first one selected and incidentally, she was also the first one to make out with Vick. It was a historic moment in television. Their passionate, tongue swirling kiss later won the “MTV Best Onscreen Kiss Award”.
Immediately after the episode came to an end, Justin Case called Wally Sczerbiak and told him he absolutely loved the show. He told Wally that this was what being in love with animals really meant. Wally thanked him and the show went on to be a huge hit. The finale, where Vick proposes to Schweinsteiger the voluptuous German shepherd, went on to get the highest ratings in the history of American Television. Pebbles the pink poodle, however, was left heartbroken.
Not one to give up on her dream of being a reality star, Pebbles then took part in “America’s Next top Model – Bitches”, and won the top prize. Tyra Banks, after announcing Pebbles as the winner, said “You should be proud of yourself Pebbly Poo. You gave us fierce pictures and your runway walk was one of the best I’ve ever seen. Your ease at the nude photo shoot and the ability to smile with your eyes was also instrumental in your victory. Bitches all over the world should learn from you. You go girl!!” Pebbles is now one of the most recognizable faces in America, and she recently appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show to talk about how she lost the extra pounds as well as to discuss her relationship with Michael Vick.
And last but definitely not least, “American Idol – Dogs” completed the trilogy of hits for NBC and Sczerbiak. It was a treat to watch Randy Jackson connecting with the dogs like he was one of them, Simon being bitten 17 times for his disparaging remarks and Paula Abdul clapping and praising the personality of each dog. A yodeling apso from Brazil named Terry defeated Jimmy the cocky cocker spaniel in the much celebrated finale, which had special guest Marmaduke hosting the show instead of Ryan Seacrest.
This year, we witnessed reality television at its riveting best. And nothing can ever top this. Or can it? You never know what Mr. Sczerbiak could come up with next.
Says Wally, “Oh I have a few ideas up my sleeve. We’re never satisfied. My mind is on perpetual overdrive with an unending stream of ideas. And I think one of them in particular, is going to blow this dog craze right out of the water. I’ll give you a clue...
I saw Ratatouille a couple of days ago.”
I saw Ratatouille a couple of days ago.”
