Nursery Rhymes Revisited + One of Those Tag Things

I feel like writing without thinking, so I’m going to do one of those tag things. If you feel like reading without thinking, please continue. However, if you were looking for intellectual enlightenment from this blog.....no you weren’t. Anyway before the tag thing, here are a few nursery rhymes you can teach your unborn children [and the born ones as well]. Feel free to sing along:


Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop
Is it safe up there? No I think not
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And the minute baby can talk, social services he will call.




Mary had a little man, little man, little man
Mary had a little man, and she called him a midget
And everytime she called him that, called him that, called him that
And everytime she called him that, he told her it was politically incorrect.

So Mary told him to grow up, to grow up, to grow up
Mary told him to grow up......and then she began to giggle and laugh at what she just said.




A B C D E F G
"Doctor, it hurts so much when I pee"
H I J K L M N O P"
Tell me doctor, what could it be?"
U V W X Y Z
[Doctor] – “It probably has something to do with those hookers on your bed”.




Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Instead they found some alcohol
And had a baby daughter.




Ba Ba black sheep,
Have you any weed?
[Black Sheep] – “You know I’m getting sick of these stereotypes......
....alright how much do you need?”

Two baaaaaaags for me
And a baaaaaaag for my lovely lass
[Black Sheep] – “You mockin the way sheep talk nigga?
I’ma bust a cap in yo ass”

Woah, woah you have a gun?!
I did not know that
[Black Sheep] – “Ofcourse I have a gun, son.
Can’t you see I’m black?”

Now what you just said was
Offensive and wrong
[Black Sheep] – “I’m black mothafucka!
I can stereotype myself all I want”




Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on his farm he had some cows, E-I-E-I-O
With a chop chop here
And a chop chop there
Here a chop, there a chop
Everywhere a chop chop

Old McDonald had enough meat to launch a franchise, E-I-E-I-O
He called it McDonalds and sold burgers and fries, E-I-E-I-O.




It is my dream that one day, parents all over the world will teach their children these rhymes, and the wide eyed children will merrily sing these words in celebration of their youthful innocence.

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The Tag Thing (Feel free to tag yourselves):


Facts:

Hometown: Calcutta.
Hair Colour: Black.
Shoe Size: Don’t know. Probably pretty close to the size of my feet.
Righty or Lefty: Right handed, Left footed.
Available?: Yes. At your nearest local store for one dollar 99 cents.



Favorites:

Television Show: Arrested Development, South Park. And all [insert repetitive drum roll and bad acid trip visual effects] Ekta Kapoor serials of course.
Sport: Basketball.
Animal: Dogs, Manatees.
Movie: Adaptation, Fight Club, Being John Malkovich, I Heart Huckabees.
Drink: JD and coke.
Cartoon Character: Eric Cartman, Navjot Singh Sidhu.


Relationships:

Have you ever been in love: Yes.
Why did your last relationship fail: Because I asked her to choose between me and a can of tuna. She chose the can of tuna. I think it was a good decision.
Have you ever been heartbroken: Yes. In my next relationship, when I was made to choose between my girl and a can of tuna, I too chose the can of tuna. Unfortunately it was past its expiry date. It was traumatizing.
Have you ever broken someone’s heart: Yes. Strangely, it had nothing to do with tuna.
Have you ever fallen for your best friend: No. He was not too comfortable with the idea and neither was I.
Are you afraid of commitment: Yes, it makes me shiver and tremble.


Have you ever:

Been caught sneaking out: No. I’m far too sneaky and my parents are far too sleepy.
Skinny dipped: No.
Bungee jumped: No.
Been on a house boat: No, but my house was flooded once.
Made yourself throw up: All the time. I’m bulimic.
Been in a police car: Not yet.
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: On a frozen one, no.
Smoked: Of course. That’s an integral part of my life.
Taken drugs: Of course. That’s an integral part of my life.
Used someone: I don’t think so.
Been used: Yes. It was wonderful.
Been cheated on: I don’t know. I’m not the most inquisitive person.
Done something you regret: Yes. Filling this in.


Are you:

Obsessive: No.
Compulsive: Occasionally.
Anorexic: Yes, I’m an anorexic bulimic. Every day, I eat one raisin and then throw up.
Happy now: No, I haven't had my anti-depressants for the day yet.
German: Yes. 1/3rd German.
Irish: Yes. 1/14th Irish.
French: Yes. 1/18th French.
Italian: Sure. I am also Jamaican, Canadian, Viatnamese, American, Indian, Lebanese and African. I’m certain I’m part Eskimo too.


The End.