Why We Don't Like Romantic Movies...

There are a number of reasons why I do not like romantic movies. I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority here, but I must speak for my people. The "We Don't Hate Romantic Movies But We Don't Like Them Either Committee"(also known as WDHRMBWDLTEC), consisting of approximately eight members, does not like romantic movies not so much because of the lack of quality or the over the top acting, but because of the content and the resulting reaction caused among the people who watch it. We feel it is a serious issue and therefore it must be addressed for the sake of the world's well-being.

We wanted to conduct an analysis but unfortunately we could not afford it on our budget of 5 dollars (We are an American based company. Where else could anyone come up with a name as creative as WDHRMBWDLTEC?). However our financial issues did not deter us and I was fortunate enough to be chosen by my people to write an article to bring to light the harmful effects and side-effects caused by mushy and over-sentimental cinema. We hope you realize the significance of this article and we would appreciate it if you did not read this with your partner if you have one as he/she/it might seduce you into thinking that romantic movies are okay. Believe me when I say this ---- They are not okay. Here are some reasons why:-

A) Unrealistic - Romantic movies are as unrealistic as a dorky kid being bitten by a spider, resulting in him having superpowers and saving the city in a supertight homoerotic costume. So why is it okay to like such movies? Why are movies with blue aliens in it okay?(We all know aliens are green). They are okay because they are so unrealistic you cannot completely relate to it unless you are suffering from a mental condition. Romantic movies on the other hand are about real people, but the content is anything but realistic hence leading to false hopes and unrealistic expectations from members of the opposite sex.

To provide you with an in-depth analysis into the deep dark world of such movies,we the WDHRMBWDLTEC sacrificed ourselves and actually sat through a few mushy, sentimental movies. It was a frightening, hair-raising, horrifying and bone-chilling experience, but we somehow managed to survive with the only harmful effect being the overuse of adjectives that mean the exact same thing.

We came to the conclusion that conventional romantic movies have two consistent patterns:-

1) Boy meets girl; both fall for each other; some misunderstanding causes them to separate; boy realizes he cannot live without her and she is "the one"; boy gives speech towards end of movie referring to girl's eyes, smile, voice, armpit hair etc. in front of 1700 strangely attentive people; crowd cheers wildly and some shed tears; girl loves speech; they live happily ever after.

2) Boy meets girl; he can't stop thinkin about her; he is too scared to express his feelings; girl feels the same way but isn't sure if the guy likes her; another guy(lets call him "jerk") enters the picture and girl dates him; jerk is made to look as much of a jerk as possible so audience roots against him and feels sorry for boy; boy can't take girl being treated badly; tries level best to wait right until jerk and girl's wedding ceremony to tell girl that jerk is a jerk and she deserves someone better like himself; crowd at wedding gasps; she says with tears in her eyes something along the lines of "Why didn't you ever say anything? I've always felt the same way"; they kiss; jerk is beaten up/humiliated; couple live happily ever after with beautiful kids.

Now the question you might ask if you actually cared would be "What's so unrealistic about that?" Well you'll know soon....

Unfortunately the WDHRMBWDLTEC could not afford the space required for the column as we spent all our money on sour grapes after being informed that the highest grossing movie of all time is a romantic movie. Therefore, we will have to continue our analysis next month.

Thank you.